<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Homeland by Iamsherlocked07</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575642">Homeland</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsherlocked07/pseuds/Iamsherlocked07'>Iamsherlocked07</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The West Wing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:33:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26575642</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsherlocked07/pseuds/Iamsherlocked07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You're not my homeland anymore<br/>So what am I defending now?<br/>You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out“</p><p>CJ and Toby after he confesses to being the leak.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>C. J. Cregg/Toby Ziegler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Homeland</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic is pure wish fulfillment. I needed them to have time together before he’s fired and everything changes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I did it. I’m the leak.” </p><p>CJ’s entire world screeched to a halt while simultaneously tilting and falling around her. The tears came in an instant, cascading down her face. His eyes were full of tears too, his fisted hands trembling. </p><p>She put the champagne bottle down with a thud before robotically walking around her desk to the phone. CJ couldn’t think of anything else to do, any other way to respond. She picked up the phone, looked at him. Put it back on the receiver. </p><p>CJ turned away, looking out the window. The amber glow of the streetlights spilled into the room, creating patterns across her face. The air felt electric, full of static. CJ toyed with the hem of her skirt, her fingers heavy as numbness seeped in. Toby shuffled behind her until his faint reflection appeared next to hers in the glass. She spoke to it, “How could you?” Her voice was icy, taking all the warmth out of the room. “Toby, how could you?” He winced as if her words had cut him. He studied the slippery green silk covering her back. Envied it. </p><p>“Leaking classified information—that’s a felony. You’re...you could...Toby you could go to jail.” </p><p>“I most likely will.” </p><p>She spun around to look at him directly. Her whole body tense, defensive, like a wounded animal needing to protect itself. His shoulders sagged with resignation. Defeat. </p><p>“You bastard! What about your kids? What about the President? What about me?” </p><p>She froze, the realization washing over her. </p><p>“Toby—“ she started slowly, cautiously as if giving him time to prepare the right answer, “Did you confess because you did it or because you didn’t want anyone to think it was me?”</p><p>“Does it matter?” He looked anywhere but in her eyes. If she looked closely enough, she’d find the truth. Could see right through him. </p><p>“Of course it does! Of course it matters!” She pressed the heel of palms against her eyes, breathing raggedly. </p><p>“I have to call counsel. I have to turn you in now,” she stepped closer to him, arms flailing slightly. “You bastard!” Tears tracked her cheeks, her lip quivering. Toby couldn’t read her expression, there was something there he didn’t have words for. </p><p>CJ exploded then, her pain fragmenting and hitting the walls. She reminded him of the starter guns they used before marathons. They were off now, no turning back.</p><p>“I hate you.” She let the words hang in the air. Trying to get even with him. Desperate for the upper hand in this, for some kind of power or control. He didn’t react, would have maybe if even a fraction of him believed her. She’s a terrible liar. </p><p>She wanted him to fight back. Frustrated by his lack of reaction, CJ raised her fisted hands, thumping against his chest. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” He tolerated her blows a while before catching her wrists in his grasp, not for his sake but for hers. Toby knew she would replay these moments, knew this was hurting her as much as it was him. </p><p>“I love you!” Her voice cracked and she capitulated, sitting heavily on the window sill. </p><p>“I know,” he said hoarsely, “I know, Jeanie. I’m sorry.” </p><p>He stood in front of her as sobs wracked her body and she buried her face in her hands. </p><p>“CJ, I didn’t want to...you have to know...” he wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. He just wanted to say something, anything to make this better. </p><p>She reached for him, fiercely wrapping her arms around his middle. </p><p>“Don’t leave me,” she sobbed, “Don’t do this. Don’t you dare leave me.” Toby couldn’t stop the thick tears falling down his face, soaking his beard. He tried to catch his breath but his chest was tight as if there wasn’t enough oxygen in the air. He raked his fingers through her hair, trying to soothe them both. Toby looked her over, trying to commit every sensation of her to memory. Time stretched on for what felt like hours. It was too much and not enough. CJ nuzzled against him, trying to press closer somehow. </p><p>She had to act, to play her part. This wouldn’t work if she didn’t. He had hoped her anger would fuel her through this worst moment of their life together but it had subsided too quickly.</p><p>“You have to call counsel, Claudia Jean,” he ordered, trying to keep the regret from his voice. </p><p>“I can’t.” </p><p>“You have to. It’s okay.” </p><p>“None of this is okay.” </p><p>She stood, still clinging to him. He brushed the tears off her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. Toby held her face in his hands, looking at her intently. She wanted so badly to look away but she couldn’t help thinking this might be the last time she would see him, be alone with him for a while. </p><p>Desperate, CJ pressed her lips to his, kissing and nipping at him. He kissed her back for just a moment before pulling away. She whimpered. </p><p>“Don’t,” he whispered, “don’t do that, sweetheart. It’ll only make this harder.” </p><p>CJ nodded, biting her lip to stifle a cry. She stepped around him to get to her desk. Taking a deep breath, she tried to collect herself. She picked up the phone with a shaking hand. </p><p>“I need...” she trailed, eyes raised at the ceiling, blinking away tears. Toby squeezed her hand, “I someone from counsel in here immediately.” </p><p>They couldn’t be like this when someone walked in. Couldn’t be caught this close. He pulled her into his chest, “I have to go now,” he murmured into her chestnut hair.  </p><p>She nodded against him and they separated. He placed a chaste kiss to her forehead before moving across the room, their eyes never leaving each other. When they heard the lawyer arrive, greeting Margaret before he entered, Toby placed his hands over his heart. CJ turned to look out the window again, her shoulders shaking. </p><p>“Good evening Ms. Cregg, Mr. Ziegler.” </p><p>She was completely still and for a moment, a small part of Toby hoped she wouldn’t say anything. </p><p>“Tell him what you just told me.” She wouldn’t say it. Couldn’t say it. Couldn’t truly be the one to condemn him, and he would spare her that. </p><p>He looked at her through his confession, trying to convey the love and pain and regret and longing he felt. Through his gaze he tried to tell her, “Don’t look away, I’m not really leaving you. Trust me. I’m going to fix this. I’m sorry.” </p><p>But when the man asked for the keys to his office, Toby could have sworn she shrunk two inches. She was withdrawing, growing smaller right in front of him. This was the last she could take, he was the one thing still constant in all this and now it was over. The fight was draining from her and more than anything that’s what he regretted.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>